It’s been said that the best part of Thanksgiving is the leftovers.
The NFL begs to differ.
After a fine spread on Thursday, we found ourselves stuffing down some dried-out white meat on Sunday. Ultimately, we did find a few sides that were worthwhile, and we did save a big ol’ turkey leg for the end, but mostly we were slopping mayo around, hoping to find some flavor.
That said, we learned a bit:
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Falcons 38, Cardinals 19
Oh, this game happened? The Falcons are the most forgettable better-than-average team in the NFL — it’s hard to get excited for them on a weekly basis, and the Cardinals are the NFL’s biggest disappointment. So let’s have them play each other.
Surely, this was a better idea when the schedule was made. They were thinking this was a prime-time game.
Arizona has the top total defense in the NFL and a balanced offense that’s No. 11 in the NFL in yardage. Yet it's 4-6-1 on the year and stand little chance of making the playoffs, particularly following this loss.
Atlanta is cruising, winning three of the last four, but it can’t seem to pull away in the division. That should be concerning — no team seems as ripe for a late-season letdown as the Falcons (and their schedule is relatively easy).
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Ravens 19, Bengals 14
I called the Arizona Cardinals the most disappointing team in the NFL. That’s not an honor I bestow lightly — the Cincinnati Bengals exist.
Baltimore, the walking mediocre, manhandled the Bengals at the line of scrimmage Sunday in a contest that shouldn’t have been as close as it was.
The Ravens are now atop the AFC North, which is a fact that makes me sad, and the Bengals haven’t beaten a team that isn’t the Browns since Week 4.
The biggest question for Cincinnati is how on earth will they get better next season? They’re not going to change quarterback or head coach and they’re not going to sign any impact free agents. They’re probably just hoping this was an unlucky downturn and that they’ll bounce back next year.
Watching them Sunday, it’s hard to make that case. The Ravens – THE RAVENS — were a much better team. For shame.
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Giants 27, Browns 13
This game was close for a bit, cementing the Giants’ status as the flimsiest team with a damn good record in the league.
It’s clear that the Browns are not going to win a game this year. They might win one — anything can happen — but Cleveland has clearly come to the conclusion it will take a tremendous amount of luck to make that happen. You can put two and two together.
There’s only one thing left to do: Sign Terrelle Pryor to a contract extension and then play him at quarterback for the rest of the year. Give the people what they want.
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Titans 27, Bears 21
The Titans dominated the Bears for the majority of this game, opening up a 20-point lead in the fourth quarter, only for Matt Barkley, making his first NFL start in the place of Jay Cutler, to lead Chicago on a furious comeback that had far more to do with Tennessee’s players mentally checking out of the game than the Bears “figuring something out” in the final frame.
Barkley was fine. Not good, not bad — fine. He frankly deserved better in the contest — the Bears receivers dropped two passes in the end zone on the final drive, eight passes in the fourth quarter, and 10 overall in the game.
But because he was a Rorschach test of a quarterback Sunday, you can already see the wheels moving on another Bears quarterback controversy, which is, of course, my favorite thing in the world.
Everyone in Chicago is so excited to move on from Jay Cutler they’ll gladly start you or me if we can give them a talking point or two as to why.
Barkley did nothing more than establish himself as a viable NFL backup going forward, and that’s great for him, but forgive me if I bask in the glory of Bears fans trying to convince themselves he’s their answer at quarterback.
Bills 28, Jaguars 21
The Bills almost lost this home game, and that should immediately eliminate them from any playoff consideration with the committee.
Blake Bortles didn’t have another head-scratching interception this week (PROGRESS!), but a report did come out that Gus Bradley, the Jags’ coach, was going to need an incredible run at the end of the season to keep his job.
It’s rather incredible that Bradley is still employed, but it's even more incredible to think that he has a chance to survive this season. Coaching isn’t everything, but the amount of head-scratching decisions that have come from Bradley this season and his lack of player development progress on a young team should pin a lot of Jacksonville’s problems directly on him.
The Jags would be fools to retain him, and they should probably bring in some competition for Bortles next year too, but, well, you know … they’re the Jags.
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Dolphins 31, 49ers 24
The Dolphins have won six straight games for the first time since Nick Saban was their head coach.
Like last week, they made it … interesting.
The Dolphins have played good football as of late — credit the team’s offensive line, which has turned from a trash unit into one of the best front fives in the NFL. That’s allowed Jay Ajayi to become a standout back and Ryan Tannehill to be a … I can’t believe I’m about to say this… competent quarterback.
The Dolphins are a worthy playoff team, even if they hold no logical hope of winning the Super Bowl.
So it was concerning when Colin Kaepernick and the 49ers offense looked pretty darn good against them — winding up two yards short of the end zone as time expired.
Then again, this might just be the way the Dolphins do things. They did take the Browns to overtime earlier this year.
If this is a cardiac team, start stacking your money to bet against them in the wild-card round.
(Unless they wear their spectacular and should-be-full-time throwback uniforms. You can’t bet against those, ever.)
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Chargers 21, Texans 13
If anyone actually thought that the Texans were a worthwhile team, Sunday’s game would have been a shock to the system.
Houston was exposed as a mediocre team by a better-than-average Chargers squad, but again, we already knew that.
Philip Rivers outdueled Brock Osweiler to a near-comical level at NRG Stadium — the Houston quarterback threw for more than 100 yards Sunday … he also threw three interceptions. One of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL from last season is one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL again this year.
Remember when Osweiler was really upset he didn’t start over Peyton Manning — whose arm long ago turned to mush and whose job was to hand the ball off, throw 3-yard slants, and yell Omaha — in the playoffs last year?
Well, Texans fans should be upset that Tom Savage isn’t going to start over Osweiler in the playoffs — should the Texans find a way to stumble into them — this year.
Also, Joey Bosa is everything and anything and may his rule last 1,000 years.
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Saints 49, Rams 21
Jared Goff had three touchdown throws in the first half, the Rams were neck-and-neck with the Saints, and people in Los Angeles put down their soy lattes and Snapchat to pay attention to their city’s football team.
They were not rewarded.
The Saints baptized the Rams in the second half — with Sean Payton possibly deliberately running up the score on his former defensive coordinator, Gregg Williams, in the fourth quarter.
Payton had to sit out an entire year because of Williams, despite the fact that Payton clearly had no control over what his DC was doing when it came to bounties and deliberate injury instruction. It’s long past the time of litigation, but the notion that Payton knows what’s going on with his defense was far-fetched then and it’s far fetched now.
The Rams are 4-7 on the season now. How much do you want to bet that they finish the season with a 3-2 run?
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Patriots 22, Jets 17
The Jets almost won this game, but they didn’t.
Because they’re the Jets.
I’m not sure we need to say anything more about that, other than New England’s defense doesn’t look close to Super Bowl-worthy right now. Watch them post a shutout against the Rams next week. Sorry Jared.
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Buccaneers 14, Seahawks 5
Is this what sadness feels like?
This was a clear trap game for the Seahawks: Seattle is coming off a nice run of form but had to go across the country to play a hungry Tampa Bay team that’s scrapping and clawing for its playoff life.
That said, Tampa Bay’s defense looked great in this game. It received some help, no doubt, but if the Bucs’ defense has turned a corner and can play with some semblance of consistency going forward, Tampa Bay is a threat to not only make the playoffs but to win a game or two in the postseason as well. No team carries more potential going into the season’s home stretch.
Seattle will be fine, but I’m really excited for Russell Wilson, human corn stalk, to rally the troops after this game. “We know we’re better than this, you guys!”
How anyone can keep a straight face when he’s football serious is beyond me.
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Raiders 35, Panthers 32
Is any team in the NFL more dependent on their quarterback than the Oakland Raiders?
The Raiders have a record that indicates that they’re one of the best teams in the NFL but a defense that screams 9-7.
So when Derek Carr busted up the pinkie finger on his throwing hand in the second half of this game, you could feel the Raiders’ season slipping away in the moment.
Carr returned with a boss black glove, but the Raiders defense was mostly responsible for allowing the Panthers to re-enter the game with 19 unanswered points in the second half. Not good.
The Raiders did eventually win, but that Oakland defense is shambolic. Unless the Raiders put up points, they’re not going to win games (what a groundbreaking statement that is …), and that’s a problem because defense travels and shows up in the postseason — offense is fickle.
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Chiefs 30, Broncos 27 (OT)
After a first half where neither team scored an offense touchdown, this game got exciting and thrilling in a hurry.
The main takeaways: I will never knock a coach who goes for a wicked-long field goal because I want to see wicked-long field goals, and shaming those coaches only creates a culture where 60-plus-yard tries are more rare.
Trevor Siemian threw a deep ball, intended for a receiver 30 yards down the field, roughly 18 yards into the ground in this game and yet still came out looking like a competent quarterback.
The Chiefs cannot be a no-huddle team, but they should think about running that look more often — just convince Alex Smith that his career is on the line on every drive of every game and he’ll put up 50 a contest.
Field goals that hit the uprights and go in should count for 4 points.
Tyreek Hill is spectacular, and we’re not going to talk about anything other than that …
Also, I watched the Grey Cup on Sunday, and during the lull that was the defensive struggle of the first half of this game, I found the answer for the NFL’s problems: rouges.
A rouge is the one point you get for kicking a touchback. Wouldn’t you watch two blocks of commercials if you knew that every kick and punt mattered just a bit more? Give it a try in the preseason NFL — you know you’ll love it.
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