Jeremy Roenick once scared a teammate so bad he jumped head-first through a window

Halloween is known for providing plenty of tricks and treats, but it’s unlikely any this year can top the story of Jeremy Roenick nearly scaring a couple of former teammates to death with an elaborate (and terrifying) prank.

In a piece published by La Presse this week, Montreal Canadiens forward Torrey Mitchell recounted the time that Roenick made him fear for his life enough to jump head-first through a window in an attempt to escape vampires.

Yes, vampires.

The story comes from August 2008, when Roenick, Mitchell and Devin Setoguchi — all members of the San Jose Sharks at the time — were hanging out in Las Vegas to enjoy what was left of the offseason.

While playing cards at one of the casinos, the trio was approached by a mysterious man who offered them an invite to private and exclusive party later in the night. They accepted and a limousine took them to a mansion, where they had to relay a password at the door to get into the party.

Once inside, the young duo of Mitchell and Setoguchi — then aged 23 and 21, respectively — became anxious and unsettled. Attendees stared at them and questioned whether or not they should be there. Roenick, the pair’s older mentor, tried to settle them down, while also recognizing that it was a strange environment.

“They made us put on jackets, then they made us sit in a large room,” said Roenick, via La Presse. “There were about thirty people who were talking quietly to each other and there was strange music. The atmosphere was really weird. “

Mitchell and Roenick (Photo by Jeff Vinnick/NHLI via Getty Images)

Eventually, the man from the casino who invited them to the party approached the trio and introduced them to a woman wearing nothing but her underwear. The NHLers all agreed that she was extremely attractive.

Not long after that, things took a horrific turn.

From La Presse (translated from French to English):

Ten minutes later, a waitress arrived with trays of glasses filled with red and thick liquid.

“Ugh, that’s disgusting,” blurted Roenick after finishing swallowing.

“It’s blood!” exclaimed Mitchell, dipping a finger in the glass.

He jumped up. But immediately, the lighting became dim, the music changed, and all the guests donned terrifying masks.

The door opened ,and, lying on a table, was the woman who a few minutes earlier had paraded before the guests. She was disembowelled. Her organs gushed from her chest with fruits that were there to make it look like a more appetizing dish.

The host received a portion of her body, put it in his mouth and exclaimed: “It tastes like chicken! “All guests then rushed to the body of the young woman to take a piece.

As you’d likely imagine, that’s when the three men lost any composure they had left. Mitchell remembers seeing Roenick make a dash for the door, but he was intercepted by a security guard and brutally stabbed as blood spattered everywhere.

Seeing his teammate potentially get murdered right in front of him, Mitchell was presented with a fight or flight scenario. He spotted a small window and made a break for it, diving head-first through the glass and landing in a grove before sprinting away from the property as fast as he could.

Not until he caught his breath and answered his incessantly ringing cell phone did Mitchell figure out it was all an elaborate prank. On the other end of the phone was Roenick, who presumably had trouble keeping it together as he tried to get Mitchell to come back to the house, assuring him he was alive and well.

The entire ordeal, which Roenick calls “the best prank ever done in the history of the NHL,” was inspired by the TV show “Scare Tactics,” which televised elaborate and horrifying pranks pulled on unsuspecting victims. Roenick was a huge fan of the show and wanted to scare the hell out of some of the Sharks’ younger kids.

He succeeded.

Unfortunately, the video featuring the Sharks never aired, primarily thanks to San Jose general manager Doug Wilson, who didn’t want to create an unnecessary distraction off the ice. When asked by La Presse about the incident, Wilson said he didn’t know what they were talking about.

But Mitchell and Roenick insist that it happened, and Roenick apparently has copy of the video that never made it to air. If it truly does exist, it’s pretty amazing that it hasn’t yet found its way onto YouTube or somewhere else online.

Personally, I am choosing to believe this madness — mainly because I so desperately want it to be true — and I will continue to pray that said video one day sees the light of day. Please join me.