Every NBA team’s best trash talker, ranked

There's nothing like Thanksgiving Day: families gathered around tables, sharing dinner and screaming at each other as the day goes on.

On this festive occasion, we're running through every NBA team's biggest trash talker, ranked from 30 to 1.

PG-13's trash talk is of the affirming variety. He doesn't look down on you, necessarily; he just knows that he is vastly superior to you in every way.

And he's right.

Most likely trash talk: Asking if you're going to vote for him as MVP when you retire after this season and join the media.

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY SportsBrian Spurlock

The Pelicans don't have much to talk trash about these days. Maybe Hield can add some swagger to New Orleans in the long term.

Most likely trash talk: Launching into a flurry of banter with his trademark ridiculously fast-paced speech.

The Raptors are another quiet team, but Lowry can talk with the best of them — especially when he feels slighted as one of the game's best point guards.

Most likely trash talk: Shoving his gold medal in your face until you give up and go home.

He might not have impressed Vince Carter, but Wall can hold his own in a war of words. Bradley Beal fits the bill here as well. Let's just hope they don't start trash-talking each other.

Most likely trash talk: Nothing you'll be able to catch before Wall sprints right past you on the way to the rim for another transition layup.

If anyone can make the most of the very limited opportunities for trash talk in Brooklyn, it's Booker. Remember the time he roasted Enes Kanter after the big man essentially forced a trade?

Most likely trash talk: Detonating on you with an absolutely absurd dunk, giving you a wink as he runs back down the court, then letting you hear about it on Twitter just before you fall asleep at the end of the night.

When you are a literal mountain of a human being, talking trash just comes naturally.

Most likely trash talk: Emulating Andre the Giant's “The Dread Pirate Roberts comes for your souls!” scene from “The Princess Bride” — 100 percent without irony.

Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY SportsChris Humphreys

When Hawes returned to Sacramento recently, he was roundly booed — and had no problem firing right back. He's also one of the NBA's few vocal Republicans, for what that's worth.

Most likely trash talk: Pointing at the results of the 2016 presidential election.

David Richard-USA TODAY SportsDavid Richard

Giannis quickly embraced everything that being an NBA star entails — which includes a heavy dose of talking trash, particularly on Twitter.

Most likely trash talk: Asking you if you'd like a smoothie after he takes two steps from halfcourt and dunks all over your head.

Fournier's a product of his generation, saving most of his trash talk for Twitter — where he's equally likely to roast a teammate or an opponent after a big win.

Most likely trash talk: Telling you not to do an internet search for his last name.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY SportsKim Klement

Fun story: I was at the Las Vegas Summer League this July when Booker completely took the soul of a current D-League player and former NBA pick. Since that moment, Booker has unleashed a tirade of trash talk I didn't see coming after watching him in his rookie season.

Most likely trash talk: Asking for your sister/mom/aunt/grandmother/neighbor's phone number.

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY SportsTroy Taormina

Never forget how much joy Jackson felt in beating his former Oklahoma City teammates last season. 

Most likely trash talk: Helping you build a gorgeous sand castle before destroying the entire thing just as you're about to place that super-special shell you found atop the highest spire on all the beach.

Raj Mehta-USA TODAY SportsRaj Mehta

Beverley's trash talk is a side effect of his ridiculous motor and passion. He can't help getting caught up in the heat of the moment.

Most likely trash talk: Unleashing a tirade of insults and vulgarities you didn't even know existed prior to trying to dribble past Beverley.

The Jazz big man has no problem calling out opponents on Twitter. To Gobert's credit, he can make fun of himself as well.

Most likely trash talk: Speaking French just to see the confused look on your face as you try to figure out whether he said “bête” or “bet.”

Schroder's game is all about his confidence, and he'll let you know when he's feeling himself. Guard, big man, or anyone in between, the Hawks PG won't back down.

Most likely trash talk: Patting Dwight Howard on the chest after a dunk by the big man, staring you down and asking what you plan to do to stop their pick-and-roll excellence.

Ed. note: It's not a coincidence that IT's picture features Schroder and vice-versa. Throwing these two into a playoff series is asking for a fight.

Most likely trash talk: Reminding you that he was the 60th pick in the draft, so what's your excuse?

Rondo will even talk trash during games of Connect Four. Unfortunately, sometimes he crosses some incredibly crass lines. Honorable mention to Dwyane Wade for his recent banter with LeBron over their World Series bet.

Most likely trash talk: Singing the Connect Four jingle over and over like some kind of horror movie villain.

I'm not sure Boogie even means to talk trash as much as he's just giving his unfiltered opinion about all the ills of our world.

Most likely trash talk: We'd repeat it, but we don't want to get ejected, too.

One of the only NBA players who can back up his trash talk with the terrifying prospect of doing something about it.

Most likely trash talk: Who knows? We're too busy fleeing in the other direction.

Justin Ford-USA TODAY SportsJustin Ford

Udonis Haslem is the other option in Miami, but Whiteside gets the nod on the strength of his reaction to his own triple-double with points, rebounds and blocks.

Most likely trash talk: Waiting for you to shoot a balled up piece of paper at a trash can before savagely rejecting your refuse right into your face.

Always respectful, but Dirk won't hesitate to give you an earful after he knocks down one of his patented one-foot jumpers.

Most likely trash talk: Dirk has actually revealed his favorite one-liner — “You should learn Chinese because you'll be in China soon.” Dad joke Dirk is the best Dirk.

Yes, I know KG is retired. I don't care. None of the current Wolves are very big trash talkers, and one of the all-time greats deserves a spot on this list.

Most likely trash talk: [REDACTED] on the advice of our lawyers.

The only question is when Noah will start trashing his own contract in the media as a bit of self-defense self-deprecation.

Most likely trash talk: Denigrating your hometown and questioning its feasibility as a vacation destination.

Getty ImagesMichael Reaves

There are so many choices with Cleveland: LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, J.R. Smith, Iman Shumpert, Channing Frye, you really can't go wrong, especially with Uncle Drew.

I'm taking the veteran who always manages to have a witty comment no matter the situation, but if you want to take one of the others, I won't argue too much.

Most likely trash talk: Quietly recording you acting like a fool and posting it to Snapchat with the perfect selection of emojis.

As you might have heard, now he does what he wants.

Most likely trash talk: Posting pictures of cupcakes to Instagram the day you make a life-changing decision.

Getty ImagesEzra Shaw

The Spurs don't talk trash. That's not what they're about. Popovich, however, will not hold back on sideline reporters, presidential candidates or his own team.

Most likely trash talk: Making an astute reference to your ignorance of current events through the lens of a great Russian author that flies directly over your head in response to your question about the weather.

NBAE/Getty ImagesRocky Widner

“The Process” is a lot of things: Spectacular. Rookie of the Year. The future in Philadelphia.

But he's certainly not shy.

Most likely trash talk: Laughing at you for believing his story about killing a lion growing up, then making you feel like a jerk for not believing him as soon as he convinces you the whole thing was a ruse. Rinse, repeat.

Getty ImagesMitchell Leff

A man who will take any opportunity to remind you that he had some mad scientist replace his blood with ice.

How he continues to live under such medical conditions is baffling, really.

Most likely trash talk: Destroying your adult life then winning you back over to the extent that you copy his signature celebration. Hypothetically.

NBAENBAE/Getty Images

Tell Lillard that he's not quite as good as Stephen Curry and see what happens. Go on; I dare you.

Most likely trash talk: Insistently pointing at the spot on his wrist where a watch would be, yelling “LILLARD TIME!” over and over. Spoiler: there is no watch.

Paul Pierce is another fine choice here. Paul, though, is Steph Curry's choice as the game's most prolific active trash talker, and we'll take the two-time MVP's word for it.

Most likely trash talk: Appealing to the referee while wildly gesticulating in your general direction, questioning how such a miserable basketball player could ever play on the same court as CP3.

Jayne Kamin-OnceaJayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Spor

Golden State has three of the game's most capable talkers in Green, Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry. In fact, were this a list of the top 10 trash-talkers in the Association regardless of team, all three would make the cut. At this point, the Warriors are basically a group of professional wrestlers who also play basketball.

Yet among the group, Green clearly stands out as the NBA's biggest and best trash-talker. 

Most likely trash talk: Adding injury to insult after he accidentally flails his leg in the general direction of your lower extremities.

NBAE/Getty ImagesJesse D. Garrabrant